he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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