The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm just crazy horny about you
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
