I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize