My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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