Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
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We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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