I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
