you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
