I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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