we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
