I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
