I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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