We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
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His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
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Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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