Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
