how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
