Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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