i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
