He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
