Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
