My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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