woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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