Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
