I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Farmville is her only friend.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
