If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
