seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
