i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
