Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
