if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
this boner is exhausting
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
