theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
