Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
