if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
