YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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