Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
