I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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