Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
