Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
