your thong is hanging out like whoa
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
