ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
