its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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