i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
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Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
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Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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