The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I need to calm my uterus...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
