my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
