forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
