I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
