why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
