Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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