He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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