I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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