i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
