we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
