Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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