we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
my god I love twenty year old dicks
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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