I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
