I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
