Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
