its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
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I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
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As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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