so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
As shirtless as possible
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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