I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
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dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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