She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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