My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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