while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
