we're blogging at a bar
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
