forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
