She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
