I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
