We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
