i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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