if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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