Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
