dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
