so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
