the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
