remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
