I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
