he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
